Brexit Jeremiah Clarkson on the Nissan shit storm, dailycarblog.com
21 Million Reasons Why Motoring Journalism Is Dead
Jeremiah Clarkson
It’s the new new year, 2016, and after I wipe off the excess of spending time holidaying in our former British slave colony ( I am not talking about anti-tea drinking USA ) its time to look forward to another new year of hope. Barbados is full of tourists this time of the year, usually people with a lot of money to burn and not much else to do. These people are my friends and like me they look down on the “others” from any background that doesn’t say exclusivity. That’s why we prefer holidaying in poor tourist trade nations, we can buy peoples servitude and silence while back home in democratic Blitgthy we have all these rules, like the law and unions. I mean what’s that all about. And why do we the privileged actually have to share public transport with ordinary people? I mean what’s that all about? It’s wrong for us the privileged to be in the same space as ‘them’. The other people. Well at least we don’t have to pay taxes. Thank the Christian god for the automotive journalist profession, it’s not a job but a lifestyle where you get paid to review cars, drive them around for a week and then declare your verdict. Three star, four star, five star, blah, blah! HOO-HAAA! But there seems to be a problem with UK motoring journalists (if you can call  them that). As I have said before whenever you are invited to a press launch of a new car you get treated like a lord and fed like a pig. VIP this, goody bag that. It’s a lifestyle that gives you a false perspective on the world, the motoring manufactures deliberately make motoring journalists feel important even though in reality many are not so. But I am because of my severe wealth generating abilities, I am Jeremiah Clarkson the real jungle VIP. And I do have an issue with these back slapping motoring journalists literally begging to go on the next all expenses paid jolly jaunt to Switzerland to test out a Neesan. Yes sir. I also have a problem with motoring journalists in the UK wanting every other car to handle like a sports saloon… OK sedan if you are American. The problem is sometimes, well actually all of the times the manufacturers seem to respond to motoring reviews and the problem with this is every other god dam car now handles like a sports saloon. Sorry sedan. Doesn’t matter what it is, a big SUV small SUV, family hatch, Mini Hatch crap hatch they all now handle like a sports saloon. It’s because these delusional British motoring hacks actually think they are doing a valuable service to the public. No they are not, they are being used to serve the greater good of a marketing department. And the social media and SEO agencies. This is the age of the “back-link” generation. The problem with my dear fellow motoring journalists with their narrow minded views is that SUV sporty SUV now has a stiffer suspension and the net result is that the ride feels like its attacking you, like a bog standard BMW X5. I don’t want an SUV to handle like a sports saloon, I want an SUV to BE an SUV, power yes, comfort yes, off-road maybe, sometimes. NO BLOODY SPORTS SALOON! What motoring journalists don’t realise is that our profession is dying, and probably for the greater good. WE are being replaced by “influencers” Volggers, forums and smooth talking idiots with opinions. The car review industry in the UK is churning out the same old same old, comfort is being sacrificed to satisfy a few of the influencers who want every other car to handle like a sports saloon all in the vain glorious effort to award that five star review. It seems motoring journalists have lost direction, they have become too fat living a delusional lifestyle fuelled by private jets, fancy locations and five-star hotels and five star vanity. You could be forgiven for thinking these hacks are out to please motoring manufactures rather then give you the public a truthful assessment. But as a philosopher once said, “YOU WANT THE TRUTH, YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”. Have a bloody happy new year…. And now for reason number two……….  Brexit Jeremiah Clarkson on the Nissan shit storm, dailycarblog.com
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