Richard Hammond’s New Day Job Is Trackside Sleeping While Standing

It appears that rumors of the demise of The Grand Tour have come to fruition. After two seasons and many episodes, Amazon has cut ties with the Hammond. Hammond has yet to confirm his new job but our investigations (we are low rent journalists) have found Richard is now moonlighting as a Trackside Sleep Tester… while standing up.

We then telephoned a Hammond representative who put us on hold for 3 minutes, its always three minutes, before we ordered a Margherita and diet Coke… because.. we misdialed and called a Pizza parlor.

We then followed a few more leads until finally, we tracked down Hammond’s representative who was in disguise serving ice cream to war dog veterans suffering from PTSD.

Before we could talk to the representative he fled leaving us to deal with the dogs (the mess was unbelievable).

Meanwhile, Hammond was spotted entering a Michelin tyre testing facility, a purpose-built track where he stands, for hours upon end, sleeping while standing, trackside.

We decided to wait at the rear exit, a favored exit point for famous celebrities who don’t want to sign autographs. A weary-looking Hammond decided to answer a few questions.

“… it’s hard work it is, standing all day and sleeping at the trackside. Michelin needs to test its tyres, my job is to stand and sleep in order to simulate everyday events.”

“The interaction between driver and pedestrian is crucial to improving tyre performance and safety. But it is tiring work, no pun intended.” 

“When Amazon decided not to renew my contract, I had no other choice but to take up this job offer. It doesn’t pay well but I prefer the outdoor lifestyle I do.”

Hammond unexpectedly cut short the interview as he rushed for cover, he ran towards the forest behind the test facility. We waited for him to re-emerge.

As the night grew longer, we decided to end our vigil and as we moved away we heard a wolf cry that sounded… human, that sounded “Hammondy”.

 

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