Let us be clear and say this… the more we look at the new 5 Series the more boring and predictable it looks. I mean look at it, it looks so smug in that boring, derivative shell suit styling and is just as boring and derivative as the sales executives who will be driving them many of whom actually believe the marketing hype that BMW really makes the ultimate driving machine.
Perhaps the most interesting thing BMW have done the to the new and very boring 5 Series is to utilise the pure-electric technology developed for their i Series of cars. From January 2017 the 530e iPerformance Hybrid will be ready and waiting in boring and derivative BMW showrooms for you to buy.
Using a 184bhp, 320Nm torque 2.0-litre, 4-cylinder engine combined with a 93bhp electric motor with 250Nm of torque, the boring 530e iPerformance has a 0-62mph time of 6.2 seconds and a claimed (human lies!) top speed of 146mph.
Of course this being BMW all of that combined power will be sent to the rear wheels through an 8 speed auto transmission (yawn). Perhaps it doesn’t sound too boring after all. But it is inconvenient, the 9.2 kWh lithium ion battery pack takes 5 hours to recharge.
You can speed up the recharging process to 3 hours with a the optional i Wallbox which is kind of like a fast charging unit. And for that you get 29 miles of pure electric driving range and zero ‘hallelujah’ emissions with a maximum pure electric top speed of 87mph.
BMW’s marketing folks have even found time to give the driving modes a bit of a naming make over. Driving Experience Control isn’t a dull as it sounds because it allows the driver to choose form Sport, Comfort and Eco Pro settings at a press of a button. Translated that means Fast, Sedate, BORING!
You will also get the latest creature comforts and toys, what seemed exotic five years ago is now as standard as the UK train network never being on time. So expect boring but exotic Bluetooth connectivity, boring but exotic voice assistance, boring but exotic lane change yada-yada-yada.
The boring 530e iPerformance will cost a boring £44k… OK? and boring motoring journalists with superior grammar than us will no doubt give it a predictable and boring 5 star rating.